“Big Brother, No Sir, it’s Amazon”
A pizza customer calls his favorite local pizza parlor and asks: "Is this Mike's Pizza?
Pizza Operator: "No, sir, we are now Amazon Pizza. Do you want your usual"?
Customer: "How do you know my usual?"
Amazon Pizza: "Well sir, our records indicate you ordered pizza with pastrami and thick crust for your last seven orders. Do you want that?"
Customer: "Well, ok"
Amazon Pizza: "Sir, could I suggest you add some vegetables, this time"
Customer: "Why do you say that, I hate vegetables?"
Amazon Pizza: "Sir, by cross matching phone numbers we find that your medical records indicate you have a cholesterol problem."
Customer: "I don't need vegetables, I take anti-cholesterol medication"
Amazon Pizza: "But sir, we see that you have not reorder your medication in 4 months"
Customer: "To show you how much you know, I recently purchased over- the-counter cholesterol medication."
Amazon Pizza: "But sir your credit card shows no such charge."
Customer: "To show you how little you know, I paid in cash."
Amazon Pizza: "But sir, your bank account shows no cash withdrawals in some time but our location finder on your iPhone indicates you are at the corner of 4th and Main and our drug distribution center is only a half a block down Main. Would you like me to order the medication to be ready for your arrival?
Customer: "This is too much. I am being hounded and spied on. Where is my privacy? I want to leave the country!"
Amazon Pizza: "Sir, I'm sorry to inform you, your passport expired five months ago, but if you go on our web site and click "Renew" we can have it processed and delivered to you within 5 days for only $50."
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Joe Petrowsky, NMLS #6869
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